Well day 2 of the Respect Dare was about our childhood and how we grow up perceiving what marriage is by what we have observed, how conflicts are resolved, etc. between our parents and couples we know. Of course my mind started to go in all directions as I do remember my childhood quite well and I have so many wonderful memories, but I sure do remember the conflicts in our house growing up.
One particular conflict was when I was already in bed and my parents had started to argue. They had thought my sister and I were already asleep but we weren't and we had heard all the screaming and yelling. I specifically remember my mom barging into my sister's and my room that night and had grabbed my little suitcase with a lamb on it. My mom had said she wanted to leave and was taking us. My dad had walked in and had grabbed the suitcase out of her hand and threw it, which ended up breaking it (it was an old fashioned wood suitcase with a lamb painted on it). I always had thought from that day that they would end up apart but they are still married to this day. My parents, that I remember, never fought like that again. They are like all couples and argue but the way they argue is different.
I guess I am so used to yelling and words flying when in arguments that I've brought them with me into my marriage. Randy has got to be the direct opposite of me. He is calm (in most cases) and knows how to pick his battles. But most of all, he knows how to communicate without the yelling and so very patient with me. I am learning, and boy some days it is hard to believe he has stuck it out with me.
On another note, today was difficult to do and really concentrate on because our littlest one came down with the stomach flu. For the first time since I gave birth to her I was calm about it. What I mean by that is I always was worked up about it in the past that when she became sick, I would literally stress about how I would handle work. On this journey, I've also decided to prioritize. Yes, I know we rely way too heavily on my income and health insurance, but I also know my family needs to start coming second (of course, God is first)....that means work needs to start coming third. Most know that we never did sell my townhouse that I had bought way before Randy and I were even married. I'm the type of person that was brought up that you do not walk away from your responsibilities. I bought that place, and therefore it is my responsibility (not the government or someone elses'). Having that mortgage and the rent here (which is about $1200 each), it really amazes me how we are making all our obligations every month. God has always provided for our family, especially during the times I wasn't sure where we would get the money for our next rent payment. He always takes care of our needs and that is something I am still learning to accept. The saying below is one of my favorite that I hold close to my heart. Knowing God holds my future is enough for me.
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