Ahh yes I need to remind myself over and over, God already knows where He wants to see me go and what he wants me to do. I am the one holding myself back I am now realizing. I just sit and am in awe that God knew and saw me before I was even born. Sometimes its really hard to grasp that, but it also comforts me knowing he holds me in His arms.
Today's reading and dare is about recognizing God's vision for my life. That He has a specific purpose in mind for me in glorify him. This dare I am to write a positive purpose statement in the present tense that reflects 4 months from now, describing who I think God has planned for me to be and how I am to interact primarily in my marriage and family. WOW is all I can say. I'm a little overwhelmed by this task and still thinking about what I want to write. There are so many things I could point out of how I want to see myself in this marriage 4 months from now and then there are things I'm a little embarrassed to have to admit I'm not good at (i.e. daily devotion). Well....that is why I'm doing this 40 day dare, to become the person God wanted me to be in my marriage and in my daily walk with God.
I've been asking God to show me what he wants me to do in my life. I am starting to let go of the control I thought I have had in all the decisions I've been making and how I've been living my life. I'm going to start fully trusting in God and really listening to where he wants me to be and who he wants me to become. I also know I wont be the same person I am now and I'm perfectly fine with that. I did share with my husband that I am scared of being "the pastor's wife" as its the unknown that scares me. I knew his calling was to preach and lead as I met him when he was the associate pastor in Colorado Springs. So why am I so hesitant in helping and being supportive of what God has called my husband to do? There are so many "excuses" why I don't, but I'm going to be putting my trust where it belongs, in God first and then my husband. Randy deserves the support in what he is called to do and I feel its time I push my feelings aside and support him in his calling. I've even started praying for God to change me instead of changing Randy.
God, give me the strength to put my selfishness aside and help me to learn to support Randy in his calling in preaching Your word. Lord, I'm scared of the unknown but I know you will not leave or forsake me. I need your guidance right now as I struggle through this journey that I am taking to gain a deeper connection with You and with my husband. Lord, help me to be the Godly wife you created me to be. In your name, Amen...
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