The Respect Dare Day 16: Dusty Chandeliers

I loved doing today's dare.  I was asked to speak words of encouragement instead of tearing someone down.  I had that opportunity with a friend on facebook that was asking about another mutual friend we have.  Instead of bashing or tearing the absent person down, I actually spoke the truth and basically kept it as a compliment as the person is actually a good person and this friend was questioning it.  I "stuck up" for someone that wasnt even present in the conversation. It felt so wonderful being open and honest and in a positive way!

I really had to read and reread the verse for the day as it should be posted everywhere as a reminder of how I should be living.  Its so easy to talk bad, belittle or just plain be grumpy towards someone.  If we are supposed to be living Christ like, shouldnt this be second nature by only having positive words come out of our mouths?  We as a society have been taught to tear people down in order to gain status.  It saddens me to see kids being so mean at even a preschool level to other kids.  Unfortunately, these kids learned it from adults or older siblings.  Society needs to go back to the positive days where kids were taught in a positive manner.  There were less suicides, less depressed or mental issues.  I really feel this has become a problem around us.  

I think as a reminder of this verse, I am going to start doing this exact thing every day. It suggested wearing a rubber band around your wrist that  you can snap lightly to remind you of the kindness that should come from your lips. Hopefully I become one of these people that dont need a reminder and just live this way.  Someone who will be uplifting instead of someone who drags people down.

The Respect Dare Day 15: Where's Your Treasure?

This was a very enlightening lesson.  Its amazing how our lives and the way we look at things change when there is a crisis.  Its amazing that it comes down to that crisis to really see what we appreciate and value in our lives.  I really liked the example the book gave about the couple that had just been robbed and the husband was more concerned about his wife and kids safety than the money that was stolen.  

I used to be really envious of what friends and family had that were way beyond my reach to ever own.  But I've noticed as I've grown and matured, its nice to have, but not a necessity that I must have.  I used to have a really bad attitude when I was first married that I resented my husband for not working like I was due to the fact there just wasn't work out there, not because he wasn't trying.  He tried every day to find more work, but you cant if its not out there.  I refused to see that though when we had first moved here.  I held that against him and I resented it that I couldn't just buy whatever I needed at the moment.  I do see now that nothing matters if I don't have my husband or my kids with me.  Nothing matters if we don't have our health.  We came into this world without material things, we are leaving this world the same when we die.  

A question that was asked in the book "What do you think about the biblical concept that the money we have and the things we own aren't really ours but are instead tools to be used to do work for God?" made me really think.  I had to just really look around and see that not one thing in this house is mine but I should be using what I was given to do God's will.  It can be overwhelming at times and I love looking at it this way.  God knows he can trust us with the amount he has given, not more, not less.  I may not have as much as a lot of our friends, but maybe I'm not ready to handle that much either in God's eyes.  Maybe that isn't the path He is wanting me to travel.  I'm working on realizing that we own nothing, everything we have in our possession can be taken away just as fast in a split second. I need to work on this area more as I still look at my kids as mine, not God's. I know they are a gift from God and its so difficult to fathom that they could be taken by God with the blink of an eye. 

I used to hold onto things of value etc.  An example would be me buying special clothing for Peyton but never letting her wear them because she might ruin them.  It took me over 6 months to realize that is such a warped way of thinking about a possession.  Its clothing, you are supposed to wear them, not keep them nice and hung in a closet. So eventually I realized I needed to stop buying special clothing if she wasn't going to wear them.  

When I was a single mom, I struggled so much trying to raise three kids by myself with no child support for the first three years of Collin's life.  That was so challenging.  There would be days I would look at my three kids and wonder where our next meal would come, where would I get my two oldest kids' school supplies etc.  I also was able to witness that God always provided.  Some meals were not big but we always had something to eat.  We ate a lot of mac n cheese (boy my daughter hated it after we ate it 2 to 3 times a week for months and months).  and really cheap food, but we always seemed to have enough money for these necessities.  We weren't able to go out or do anything special, but God always provided our needs. How awesome is our God :-) !!!!

I think today's verse spoke real loud to me.  I should never have to worry about money or my needs if I just put my trust in God.  It doesn't meant to go out on a spending spree and assume God will cover it.  It means live life the way He has instructed you and he will provide your every needs.  

Dear God, please help me to stay on the path you have directed me to so that I may keep on trusting in you to provide for our every need.  Please help me to realize that no amount of money or material things is worth my relationship with you.  I want to focus on You, Lord, not how we will pay our bills, or how we will handle buying food for the kids.  You have always provided for us more than we ever need.  You have filled our cups to overflowing and I want to say thank you for entrusting us with these things.  Lord, I ask that you just calm my anxious heart when I start to worry about money as that should not be the focus.  Thank you for giving me a husband that wants to take care of his family as you have instructed.  Please entrust him and provide him with a way to do what he is called to do and preach Your word.  Lord I ask in Christ's name, Amen

It still amazes me the way God works.  I was reading my Jesus Calling daily study and today's reading was:  "When some basic need is lacking - time, energy, money - consider yourself blessed.  Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unashamed dependence.  When you begin a day with inadequate resources, you must concentrate your efforts on the present moment.  This is where you are meant to live - in the present;  it is the place where I always await you.  Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me."  

See...this is God's doing, not coincidence.  

The Respect Dare Day 14: Treat Him Like A Man

This day really was an eye opener.  I knew I already had this area to work in because randy had mentioned I've treated him like a kid.  Sometimes I honestly say I didn't even realize I was doing it. That alone makes me very sad that I treat my own husband like one of my kids.  He deserves so much more.  

One of the questions asked me to remember my mom, sister, or friends talking about their husbands as though these men were inferior.  How had this impacted families?  Yes I've heard some and still do.  I honestly can say I wince when I hear a friend or relative talking about their significant other in a non positive way.  It really helps me to hold my tongue as I am almost embarrassed for their husbands.  

I am to write a list of eight things that wives in general can do to make their husbands feel like men. 1. trust him and his judgement,  2.  believe in his capabilities, 3. affirmation,          4. acceptance - especially for who he is not who you want him to be 5.  respect 6. no nit picking 7. Confidence in what he does around the house or outside the house 8.   leave him alone, don't question why he does something just because I do it differently.

I am now to pick two out of these eight that I feel would benefit my husband's esteem the most.  I really believe # 1 and 8 would benefit him the most as I have always questioned his judgement on some things and I really feel he would have so much more confidence if I stopped that and just trusted him to be the head of the household. 

When he told the DS back in Colorado that he needed time to discuss with me about the church near Pueblo, he stalled and stalled because of me.  He lost his opportunity to interview for his own church because he was worried of me and the kids and what we would think.  I never want him to feel that way again.  I want him to pray about it and be led by God, not the fear of what I will think.  He has a calling to preach God's word and I don't want to stand in the way of that.  I know he still has that desire and I am OK with that.  I just need to reassure him that I trust him in making the family decision to go where he is led in his quest for pastoring.  He deserves to fulfill his calling.  

Lord, please guide me in the way you would like me to respect my husband.  Please help me see the ways I have been lacking in respect for my husband.  Show me and help me to build my husband up as a man, not tear him down and treat him like a child.  Lord, this is a weak spot within me and I have been a single mom for so long I have never given my husband the reigns to run this family as he was commanded by you. Please help me overcome those fears and to just trust in him as he trusts in you to lead and guide this family.  Lord I know your will will be done through my husband, and through this family with your guidance. In Christ's name, Amen

The Respect Dare Day 13: The Play Set

This was a tough one to stomach as I have always been a strong willed woman who became too used to being a single mom that did it all and ran her household like she wanted.  Yes, I've failed at marriages before but now know that this is such an important one to learn from.  A husband and wife really need to be on the "same page" especially in front of their kids.  Its too easy to just sit back and relax when your spouse asks kindly for you to do something for them.  So easily we fall into wanting to do our own thing and not do something that is asked of us because we just want to relax.  

I love the example this book gave about the husband calling from work asking his wife to please stain the play set in the backyard.  She was laying on the couch relaxing and really wanted to just remain there.  She decided to do it anyways to get it done and out of the way.  Her husband got home and noticed he acknowledged her work.  He knew she was tired and really doesn't like painting but he wanted to have time that weekend to just enjoy themselves and their company that would be over.  The wife noticed she had demonstrated respect for him by doing what he had asked.  She had shown him love in a very tangible way.

I'm supposed to start today on asking my husband for one small thing I can do for him.  I'm also going to need to prayerfully ask God to show me what is keeping me busy legitimately and what HE feels I need to be doing, or not doing for that matter. 

Lord, please show me the opportunity to continually bless my husband in a pleasing way to you, even in a simple way. Help me to be wise in my choice when using "yes" instead of "no" when committing to doing something for someone and seeing if it is what YOU intended me to do.  I always want to say yes when people ask or volunteer where there is a need but I really need to seek you to show me where my calling is.  I feel so lost in this area and I need to seek your guidance.  I want to show my kids how a husband and wife should be communicating and doing things willingly for each other. I want to show them what respect is for my husband so that they will show respect for their future spouse. In Christ's name, Amen

The break :-)

I'm back!!!  I took a little time off to spend time enjoying the Easter season with my extended family (in-laws).  Peyton had ran full force into a square table leg and really got a goose egg on her forehead and was taken to the pediatric urgent care.  They said she didn't have a concussion but I beg to differ after the end of the week's activities.  Thursday she woke up just fine and ate really good (for once) and was running around etc.  I load her in the car to take her to school and bam, she throws up everywhere!  I mean EVERYWHERE in my van.  So I stop, clean her up and then turn around and go home.  She wants to eat when we get home so I feed her and bam, throws it up again.  Now mind you, I wouldn't mind if she would stop eating but she was normal, no fever, running around etc.  This also happened again on Easter Sunday so this is why I really think she had a concussion and nothing else.  we are back to the chiropractor twice a week as I really believe in it and am not wanting to pump more medication into Peyton.  She does have an ear infection and we are trying to keep her well enough that she wont be put on medication for it.  Praying it goes away.

Wow, I didnt realize I had taken this much time away from my blogging and my Respect Dare study.  Im almost embarrassed but life was busy, Peyton hasnt been well, and we are getting ready for Randy's surgery on his hip with a down time of 6 weeks and me managing to work outside the house full time and manage everyone's activities, dinner, school stuff etc for the next 6 weeks. Im a little overwhelmed but feel this is the best thing for me, to continue on with this journey so that I am not comfortable in not finishing what I had started.  so with that, I will continue on.....

The Respect Dare Day 12: Leftovers

This study today made me think about how some things turn into "all about me" type of thinking.  There have been times where I've asked Randy to do something and came back another day to find out it wasn't done.  Well, I'm just as guilty at this and sometimes things happen like we are tired at the time, or we say we will do it later and then forget.  Its our reaction after that that is either Godly or negative in our perspective of things.  

I"m going to start looking at how I'm perceiving things.  Do I really know for a fact that Randy didn't do something because he just didn't want to or forgot?  Maybe he was tired or his hips were hurting. Until I know 100% I shouldn't assume he was lazy or just didn't want to help me.  That is a great task to conquer to improve my relationship with Randy and with anyone I come into contact.  

I also realized sometimes an insult or injury is just actions due to being tired on the part of the other person.  So for today and each day I am choosing to be kind in words no matter how tired I am. I will remember the quote "if you cant say anything nice, don't say anything at all".  Im going to need to just pause no matter how much I want to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind and just see the truth of the matter before assuming.

I am so proud I wanted to really speak my mind when I had to take care of Peyton for what felt like the umpteenth time without Randy's help while he watched tv, and I kept my thoughts to myself.  I know his hips are hurting so I'm trying to do more even though I'm working the full time job and having to take peyton to and from daycare without help.  Its been rough but I'm getting it done.  

Respect Dare Day 11: Whatever we pay attention to grows!

I'll be honest, I was up a few times with the little one so my mind had to process this all day long as I really wanted to dive into this one as much as I could.  This rings so true.  If we spend time on the computer or watch TV, it robs our time.  If we watch shows that are not worthy of watching in God's eyes, we start to live that way by becoming numb to the immorality and language, and filth that we watch on TV.  We must watch what we occupy our time with so that we don't become part of the world but only in the world until we finally go to our final home.  I'm guilty of this as much as the next person.  I noticed I was playing way too much on facebook games and it was taking time away from my kids and my husband.  I've noticed Randy was spending time watching TV.  With both of us doing separate things in separate rooms, that was time away from each other.  That is not how I wanted my marriage to be.

How did I change this?  By stepping away from the computer and just sitting in the chair in the living room where Randy sits to watch TV. I want to spend time even if it means watching some pretty boring shows (in my mind they are definitely not shows I watch) but it also means I'm with him.  We both are trying to be better about our time management watching TV and being on the computer.  Now I pretty much am on to blog and really don't spend more than an hour.  

This kind of brings me to the topic of today's dare.  Basically, too often we pay attention to the negatives in a situation instead of focusing on a positive to have a positive outcome. For example, instead of nagging Randy about all the TV watching he does every evening, I just close my laptop and go sit near him.  Like in the verse above, if our thoughts are constantly on those listed in that verse, we will start to look at life through the lens of the Holy Spirit.  God deserves the credit for everything good. 

My goal is to see my negatives as my cue to seek God's perspective instead of turning it towards someone.  By doing this I will sin less and live the way He is wanting me to.  I will be drawn closer to Him, which is ultimately my goal :-)

As for today, it was rough in the evening.  Peyton was so excited to be home I had put her down and she ran towards her daddy who was sitting at the table.  She tripped and hit the corner of the leg of the table and now has a very huge bruise on her forehead.  I did take her to the pediatrician to make sure she was alright as she was very upset and then became tired.  What a distraction lol.